Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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