i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
