i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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