she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
