Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
