too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
