Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
