i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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