I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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