Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize