Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm really busy with my period
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