we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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