Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
