I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
