Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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