his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
