She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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