Already got asked if we're dating
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
