New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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