GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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