i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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