I love black thongs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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