i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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