really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
