Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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