You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
