Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
