I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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