She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.