i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just google imaged poop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
