You smell like stripper and shame
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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