WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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