he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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