Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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