I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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