can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
