She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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