After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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