Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
