just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
