i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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