Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
