I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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