Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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