4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
