mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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