he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
