I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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