i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
