Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize