All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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