You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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