BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
