I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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