She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just found a bag of teeth...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
