Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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