i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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