Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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