there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
